


Elvenhome 33

by Daegaer



Category: Hut 33
Genre: Elves, Gen, Humor, hut 33 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-15
Updated: 2009-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 21:03:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The inhabitants of Hut 33 discover something new about each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elvenhome 33

"Good morning, Archibald," Charles said in tones of deepest, falsest bonhomie as he entered the chilly, badly-lit realms of Hut 33, "are you engaging in what I believe is called a trade?"

Archie quickly hid the pair of women's shoes he'd been mending, his tools vanishing as if by magic. "Sorry to disappoint, Charles," he said. "But I'm what's known as a mathematician, perhaps you've heard of them, up in the lofty heights of the Department of Obscure and Useless Languages?"

"A mathematician? Sounds like a lot of old cobblers," Charles said, and smiled in malicious glee as Archie got ready for the first shouting match of the day.

"Let's not fight," Gordon said, nervously smoothing down his hair so it covered the tops of his ears. "We shouldn't fight, it makes us decode things so they all turn into snippy messages about the two of you."

"Yes, do not fight," Minka said, appearing from behind Gordon's back. "It distracts from pleasant atmosphere of war."

"Gah!" they all shrieked.

"Minka, please don't sneak up on us like that," Charles said, gasping for breath.

"Pah. When your country is invaded by hordes of orcs - " Minka glared at their expressions. " - is Polish for fascist pig-dog. Polish very concise language - you learn to flit silently, like fairy of death."

"Don't you mean like the angel of death?" Gordon said helpfully.

"Minka know what Minka mean."

"You're looking lovely today, Minka," Gordon said, a soppy smile creeping over his face as he obsessively checked his hair was still covering the tips of his ears.

"Minka know," Minka said, putting a long bow, a quiver of arrows and a cloak that seemed to make everything it covered very difficult to see properly on her desk.

"What's that, then, Minka?" Archie asked, coming up to have a look.

"Secretarial supplies." Minka produced a large knife and smiled in a terrifying manner. "You have more questions?"

"Just - " Archie said, scampering backwards, "where were you keeping that knife?"

"Secret place. Anyway, is small sword, not knife. Suitable for delicate, girlish hands."

"Those would be the delicate hands with which you strangled a bear?" Charles said.

"Minka not see your point." The sword began to glow blue, and a moment later Josh opened the door, beaming at them all with the joy of vague recognition.

"Good morning, Hut 33 - " eek!" he said, as he found himself at swordspoint.

"You are orc?"

"It's a Polish word," Gordon piped up from the safety of his hiding place behind a stack of decoded messages that had turned out to be a very long and boring game of _I Spy_ between two German cryptographers stationed in Norway and France.

"I'm just a third lieutenant," Josh squeaked. "You know, tanks, sea, splash, terrible disgrace, Pater pulling strings so I'd stay _some_ kind of officer?" He shakingly held out papers as a distraction. "There's a new message they want you to decode, I was told it's right up Hut 33's alley, though I don't think there's an alley in here, is there?"

Minka stabbed her sword through the papers and scanned them. Her eyes narrowed in distaste. "No," she said. "Minka never ever see such a thing before. Gordon, you read."

Gordon took the papers and gasped. "No," he squeaked, "I have no idea at all what this could be. I don't think it's possible to decode this, it clearly wasn't coded on an Enigma machine." He flung the papers at Archie and scrubbed his hands together as if washing them, muttering, "O Elbereth gilthoniel," under his breath.

Archie took one look and passed it on to Charles. "It's all yours, Charles. Clearly not a code, so it doesn't need us mathematicians, right, Gordon?"

"Right!" Gordon said, nodding eagerly.

Everyone looked at Charles, who looked round sadly as if hoping to find someone else to pass it to. "I'm afraid I've never seen this before," he said.

"Yes, you have," Archie said. "In your fancy linguistics classes, I'm sure of it. Come on, show us your degree's worth the vellum it's written on."

"It _could_ be a debased form of Old German," Charles said weakly.

"Away, man, that's never German!"

Archie, Gordon and Minka all looked at Charles with a mixture of curiosity, malice and dread. Josh looked at him as if wondering who he was, or, for that matter, who Josh himself was.

"Oh, all _right_," Charles snapped. "It's a form of Elvish. It says _One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them._ Yes, as well as having German relatives, I am an Elf. I would appreciate your discretion."

"I always knew you were some sort of fairy," Archie said, smiling as if all his birthdays had come at once and there was no rationing for any of them.

"Let's not be too quick to mock," Charles said. "Or I'll tell Mrs Best to stop leaving a bowl of milk out for you. And Gordon, for God's sake just wear a hat and stop fiddling with your hair. Minka - " actually I value my life too much to say anything else."

"Good," Minka said, her arrow still trained on his heart.

Charles sat down and voluntarily began to work, which everyone later agreed was the more surprising event of the morning.

"I have no idea what any of you are talking about," Josh said, looking round at them in innocent bemusement.   
"Neither do we," Archie assured him.

"Not at all," Gordon said, his hands firmly over the tips of his ears.

"Minka will tell you, then kill you," Minka offered.

Josh squeaked and ran out, not stopping till he was back in the safety of the officers' mess, where he sat and rapidly drank cup after cup of tea and what he'd been _assured_ was coffee until the whole thing receded in his mind, which took about ten minutes. He _really_ wished the other orcs would give him a different hut to supervise.


End file.
